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07 June 2009 @ 03:37 pm
fic: re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf  
Okay, this feels really strange, because I've not done this before. My last fics were back in Year One, and that didn't really count because they were all really bad. Just a little backstory before anything, I had three sources of inspiration for this, which is really rare because I'm currently suffering from a chronic disease called writer's block. Anyway, my first thought actually came from listening to "Die Alone" by Ingrid Michaelson, which probably explains the title, and no points for guessing that it's going to be an Izzie/Alex one-shot. Honestly, I was actually planning an Owen/Cris fic based on "Canal Song" by Iain Archer but that fell flat and it isn't the point. Besides, there were so many parallels between the lyrics of "Die Alone" and Izzie's, uhm, predicament and of course, the SF. I'm serious. Go ahead and listen to it and you'll be able to find more than five of them. Hell, PM me if you must and I'll send it over to you. So my second source of inspiration came from the (rewatch of) SF of season two, where Izzie mentioned that Denny died alone. Go figure. And, I hate to admit this, but what (or who) pushed me to start writing was actually tingthepro, who started writing a multi-chaptered House fic in the middle of Serg's Weekend.

So here it is, my first Grey's fic in a long time. Comments are more than appreciated, and please tell me if there's anything to be improved. If you've not watched the last few episodes of season five, I highly recommend navigating away from this page right now and going back to my memories after you're done watching it because this may be a little spoilerish. And of course, I don't own anything. This is just something I came up with just to keep the faith for season six.

I’m just a stranger
Even to myself
A re-arranger of
The proverbial bookshelf

It seemed like mere seconds between the day Izzie decided to spend the rest of her life with Denny and the day she told Denny to go away.

It seemed like mere seconds between the day Izzie was up and running through eighty-hour weeks and the day she was down, diagnosed with cancer.

You limp agonizingly to the bathroom, pulling your IV pole along next to you. It was hard to believe that this body of yours had supported your every day in the residency program, from running labs continuously to standing in surgeries for up to twelve hours on end. Now a five-minute walk to answer nature’s call simply drained every ounce of energy out of your already weak frame and doing all those things you used to do now seemed more than insurmountable.

You stand in front of the bathroom mirror and gaze at your reflection, half-expecting to see your usual rosy-pink cheeks and your thick, blonde hair which nearly made you a living before you started med school. Instead, your gaze is met by a pair of tired eyes, a pale face, and a scarf which covered what was once your golden locks.

You peel the three-toned scarf away from your scalp and let it drape over your shoulders, exposing your now almost-bald head, other than a few short blonde strands. A tear trickled down your cheek followed by another, and another, and another as you run your palm over the rough skin at the top of your head. It was getting worse and you knew it.

Plastic hits your cheek as you as you raise your left hand up to dry the stray tears which had escaped out the corner of your eye. You manage a small smile as you steal a glance at the white ring spotted with colored rhinestones, and the memories of the first night out of bed since it happened to attend The Perfect Wedding come flooding back to you.

“Iz?” It was Alex, back from his shift down at the pit. You replace the scarf onto your head and knot it loosely at the ends.

“Yeah, I’m in here.“ You call out as you open the door and trudge out of the bathroom, smiling weakly as you catch sight of Alex’s face.

“What were you doing in there, putting on your scarf again? I told you you didn’t need it; you look beautiful even without it, “he says as he slips the silken fabric off your head and plants a kiss on your forehead.

You smile.

“Alex?” You blurt out after a moment of silence.


“I…I can’t…I don’t…recognize myself anymore.”

“What do you mean, Iz?”

“It’s just that…I don’t even know if that girl staring back in the mirror is even someone I’m familiar with anymore. That isn’t me. I’m a stranger to myself, and it scares me a whole lot because things are changing so quickly and I’ll never know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, and—“

“Shh, shh,” is all Alex says, cutting you off. “You are, and will always be, the girl that I fell in love with and vowed to be responsible for. And this responsibility includes being there for you in sickness and in health, and I’ll always love you just the way you are.” He helps you into bed, readjusts your IV pole and strokes your cheek.

“Denny Duquette died alone,” is what you manage to come up with after a moment’s reprieve. “Denny died alone, and I was the only one he loved. His family should have been there, but I was the only one he had, and I still feel responsible for the way he left. And because of this, Alex, if I die—“

“Izzie, come on. The treatment’s working. Please don’t give me any more crap about dying because—“

“No, wait, Alex. Let me finish.” You protest. “After Denny died, I never thought I could love anyone ever again. But now, Alex, I know that I can’t love anyone but you because, through all this, you make me feel that maybe, just maybe, I won’t die alone.”

Alex opens his mouth to protest, but you put a gentle finger to his lips.

“My point is, Alex, if I die, and I don’t even know if I’ll make it through tomorrow, I just want you to know, before it’s too late, that I love you. I love you, Alex Karev.”

“I love you too, Izzie Stevens.” Alex says as he blinks away the tears which had welled up in his eyes and leans in to kiss you.

It seemed like mere seconds between the day Dr. Model and Dr. Evil Spawn met in the locker room and exchanged their first insults and the day Izzie Stevens and Alex Karev exchanged the vows that would have them spend the rest of their lives together.

But that kiss which lasted mere seconds seemed like a lifetime.

I never thought I could love anyone but myself
Now I know I can’t love anyone but you
You make me think that maybe I won’t die alone
Maybe I won’t die alone

Hope you all liked it.

and my head is all like: accomplishedaccomplished
madcandy101madcandy101 on June 7th, 2009 01:52 pm (UTC)
HEYYYY BABE! :D whee yay I'm back! nice fan fic (: uhm YEA
Melissa: OT4seattle_dreams on June 7th, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC)
Awww Elyssa, your fic was so cute! You write Alex & Iz so well. I really enjoyed it. You should write more often! ♥
antediluvian.: mereditheatyourlasagne on June 8th, 2009 01:57 am (UTC)
Thanks Melissa!

I would write more, but I can't seem to get any good ideas! :|
Amber: Alex and Izzie 5x15mizzougirl88 on June 7th, 2009 06:15 pm (UTC)
Aww, Elyssa! This was adorable! I loved it! :D
antediluvian.: katieeatyourlasagne on June 8th, 2009 01:58 am (UTC)
Yay thanks Amber! I'm so glad you liked it :D
Wan Ting: House: Don't Mess with the Ironic Momenttingthepro on June 8th, 2009 07:00 am (UTC)
-_- excuse me why'd you hate to admit it! :D i'm inspiring, of course i know.
heh i didn't read the fic cos i have no clue what goes on in grey's but i'm sure it's good (:
antediluvian.: izzie prom dresseatyourlasagne on June 8th, 2009 12:53 pm (UTC)
Yes of course it is. (:

Thanks for the birthday wish, by the way! <3
Wan Tingtingthepro on June 8th, 2009 12:55 pm (UTC)
(: i published my house fic! hahahah you going to read it/ review? (if you read YOU MUST REVIEW IDCCC.)
antediluvian.: junoeatyourlasagne on June 8th, 2009 01:04 pm (UTC)

A link would be nice. (:
antediluvian.eatyourlasagne on June 8th, 2009 01:11 pm (UTC)
Oh my freak I totally found it! Okay, your username made it real obvious :| anyway the patient's name just gave it away. :D
Wan Tingtingthepro on June 8th, 2009 01:18 pm (UTC)
D: ahhhhh it's so embarrassing it's not a great fic you know!
antediluvian.: balloons!eatyourlasagne on June 8th, 2009 01:23 pm (UTC)
I've seen worse, believe me. Guess what, I'm reading a House-Grey's crossover fic right now! :)
Wan Ting: House: Smiling Hugelytingthepro on June 8th, 2009 01:25 pm (UTC)
oh yay good for you :D how does that happen in the first place -__-
antediluvian.: beareatyourlasagne on June 8th, 2009 01:29 pm (UTC)
They had to go for a doctor's conference in LA. It's completely made up. But evidently, House hates Derek Shepherd aka McDreamy's guts. :P
Wan Tingtingthepro on June 8th, 2009 01:38 pm (UTC)
hahahaha okay. ooh mcdreamy is patrick dempsey right! he's okay looking (: but not beating house yay.
antediluvian.: seriouslyeatyourlasagne on June 8th, 2009 01:40 pm (UTC)
Tch, you aren't backing down are you.

I'll get my fight club to beat the crap out of you till you confess that PD's way hotter, hehehe :)
Wan Tingtingthepro on June 8th, 2009 01:43 pm (UTC)
yea your nonexistent/ imaginary fight club! i won't mind (: bring 'em on! i'll get the entire hugh laurie fanbase (there's even one in denmark gosh) to fight you >D and your PD fans!

(PD actually stands for police dept. like NYPD! new york police department!)
antediluvian.: reflectioneatyourlasagne on June 8th, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC)
Pch, shut up. For the record, there is one, or in fact, more than one and it stretches internationally ah-hah. :D

I'm doing your sarcasm meme now! :)
Wan Ting: House: Genius at Worktingthepro on June 8th, 2009 01:59 pm (UTC)
ahaha yay good i love that thing it's so funny :D

there's a lot of house fanbases too i'm not sure about internationally, but i know a lot of countries have their own! hah anyway i know hugh laurie owns dempsey. -pats head- it's okay, really. :D
Leahlimonatafic on August 18th, 2009 09:09 am (UTC)
That was, without a doubt, some of the best Izzie/Alex I've ever read. ;)

Would it make you want to hit me if I suggest you try some prompt fic? It wouldn't even have to be Mer/Der. Just stick some Meredith in a corner. ♥
antediluvian.: katieeatyourlasagne on August 18th, 2009 10:08 am (UTC)
Whee, thanks! :D

And, yes, I am incredibly tempted to hit you right here and now but thank goodness for the interweb, eh? :P But if you insist, I can try! Give me a prompt and I'll see what I can come up with. It wouldn't be so soon, though. :|
Leahlimonatafic on August 18th, 2009 11:02 am (UTC)
Ah, the interweb. Has many useful uses. :D Not a Mer/Der person then?

Hmm. Limes? No pressure. :) It seems like perhaps many people could be shuffled into a fic about limes, with enough room for it to count as a Meredith-inclusive piece. :P
antediluvian.: mereditheatyourlasagne on August 18th, 2009 11:26 am (UTC)
Not really 'not a Mer/Der person' per se, but not a fluff person. I prefer exploring the relationship of Alex and Izzie because it's just so poignant, unlike the Mer/Der relationship. Not complaining.

Oh-kay, I guess I'll try limes. Makes me think of booze, which many people can be jammed into. :)
Leahlimonatafic on August 18th, 2009 12:34 pm (UTC)
Eggsactly. That was my reasoning - booze is pretty accommodating. :D

Yeah, I kind of like playing with potential stressors on Meredith and Derek rather than the whole 'yay aren't we happy' kind of stuff. Hence the, um, homicidal maniacs. :| But sometimes I seem to write fluff. :/ Not sure how!
antediluvian.: nice peopleeatyourlasagne on August 18th, 2009 12:39 pm (UTC)
Fluff + homicidal maniacs = great fic.

I need strong emotions of death and the sort to get my brain into gear, so, fluff + death = great fic (for me). :| Not sure how that plays out, though, but stuff and fluff work themselves out somehow.